I woke up this morning wondering whether I could bring myself to support Swansea City against my life-long love of Aston Villa this afternoon. Breaking allegiances for a match after 19 years of support was a big thing for me. I was going to blog about it. Now, quite frankly, I couldn't give a damn who wins the match.
There are some things in life that are wholly inexplicable. Events that shock, stun and numb beyond comprehension.
The news that Gary Speed has been found dead, apparently by his own hand, has caught everyone unawares.
A professional for Leeds, Everton, Newcastle, Bolton and Sheffield United, he held the record for Premiership appearances at 535, until recently overtaken by David James. He was Wales' most capped outfield player with 85 national appearances to his name.
He became the Welsh national manager only last year on December 14th and has since turned around a nation's fortunes by leading us to a run of wins and a rise from 117th to 50th in the FIFA World Rankings.
He did not live his private life in the tabloid newspapers. He had two young children and seemed to lead a happy life and there was so much potential looking forward.
Gary made an appearance on Football Focus only yesterday and he was laid back and seemed to be excited about these future challenges.
We don't know what was going on within but a form of depression that must have brought about this incredulous and disbelieving news is heartbreaking. Depression is suffered by a large percentage of the population and it takes far too many lives. It has apparently taken another this morning and it is just a solemn, horrendous development which I just don't want to believe.
RIP Speedo, my thoughts go out to his friends and family at this awful, heart-breaking, devastating time.